My Mudblood [34w4d]

For the past six years, Hubs has worked a seasonal "job." (I call it a "job" because Hubs actually loves it and has refused to give it up, even though some years he has had to balance it, working a full-time job, and/or being a full-time student.) Anyway, there are usually ten people who work in his particular area, and while the faces have rotated a bit throughout the years, the majority of the current "horde" has been around for a while. Needless to say, they have grown quite close.

Also, needless to say, while the particular people in this group may not have changed much over the years, the people themselves have. It is a natural part of life. People are supposed to change as time passes; it is called growing up.

A perfect example of the changes to which I am referring is parenthood. Hubs and I are the third of four couples who have had / are expecting to welcome their first child within the year. While this would seem to be great news to many expecting moms (Who would not be thrilled about the built-in friends that our little one will have immediately upon birth?), it was quite the sore spot for me for many months.

Let me explain ...

When we saw our first positive pregnancy test in January 2010, Hubs was excited to be the first "Daddy" in his group. I had no significant ties to these friends at the time, so my husband's status among them did not much matter to me. However, his excitement to be "Daddy" excited me, and so being able to make him the first suddenly meant the world to me.

Obviously, we lost Baby G a few months later.

When I became pregnant again that August, one of my first thoughts was how I had been given a second chance to make Hubs the first "Daddy." I was beyond excited and even started planning cute ways to announce to his group the addition of its newest member. 

The joy I felt during the planning process far outweighed my fear of miscarriage. Unfortunately, those moments of happiness could not prevent us from losing Baby C.

By the time we were blessed with our rainbow fish, the title of the first "Daddy" had been taken, as had the second. This did not faze Hubs at all; he was just thrilled (and rightly so) to finally see a beating heart on an ultrasound. I, however, was crushed. Being the first would have been such an insignificant thing in the long run, but to me, it was just another reminder of the many things I had lost during my struggle with infertility.

It took a little while, but I eventually was able to put my feelings of loss behind me and enjoy the fact that Hubs would finally get to be "Daddy." And I was doing really well - until my best friend, who happens to be a member of this particular group, made her pregnancy "Facebook official" last night.

This morning, while doing a quick Facebook check before heading off to work, I noticed that my sister-in-law commented on one of the ultrasound pictures: "(group name) baby!" Immediately below this, one of the guys in the group (and not one I have ever particularly liked) responded with "the first official one."

I literally felt my heart break. Not that I have ever cared about what this guy had to say enough to justify it, but I knew exactly what he meant: this baby would be the first whose lineage could be traced back to both parents. (With the three preceding babies, including my Nemo, only one parent was an "official" member of the group.) Still, I was deeply hurt.

After crying hysterically as I drove to work, I sent Hubs a text. I reminded him how hard it had been for me to let go of his being the first "Daddy" in the group and explained how much worse it felt to not even have our little miracle be considered an "official" baby.

Within minutes my Hubs reminded me of exactly why I love him and just how lucky I am to have him in my life by sending the following text (which will forever be saved in my phone): "She's just not the first pure blood, but if Hermione can get into Hogwarts then mudbloods still count."